Mom of Weird Son Sends New Message.

Sometime after a mother wrote an open letter to her son on the internet titled; you not Trans you just weird, she now writes a follow up based on the reactions she received and her insights.

And here it goes.

She starts off by calling herself a bleeding heart liberal and a part time activist to boot, in her words; I love those incredibly self-assured, brash, righteous, young activists who are screaming for Trans rights.

I see you.

Why did she have to begin her article with an almost cringe like confession you wonder; well so do I.

Was it inspired by the backlash she received to her open letter?

I’d say so.

She reckons it’s the voices of the moms of the world that are being silenced now.

Her article about her weird son was blocked as hate speech by Medium but then a platform called New Discourses ran the story.

Comments were along the lines of; her son is probably Trans and she just can’t tell. She’s just oblivious. She’s probably just been ignoring the signs. She should just believe him. She’s a bad mom.

What bothered her most was the dismissal of a mother’s observations and insights.

She coined a new name for what she sees as a new problem; “misomatery,” or a hatred of mothers.

The mother is the expert as far as her child is concerned no stranger on the internet is able to read her child like a mother can she insists; so it’s time to stop dismissing mothers.

Call it a mother’s intuition if you must.

Then she makes the point that within the context of transgender politics and medicine, a mother’s insights are dismissed.

The common take seems to be; if your parents question your self-diagnosed gender dysphoria they are probably transphobic.

Then schools begin to socially transition kids without parents’ approval because they think they know these kids better than the parents do.

She has joined a community of parents, numbering about seventy now, to help support our ‘trans-identified sons’ and study the data.

Here are their findings so far; there is something else going on with this spike of transgender teen boys. These are kids who were “typical” boys in early childhood.

They did not cross-dress; they did not demand nor even show much interest in the toys of the other sex. They were completely “normal” until their sudden announcement between ages 14–16.

Well normal with certain limitations that is.

100% of the boys in our group are socially awkward. 64% have anxiety, 52% have depression, 40% have ADHD, and around 50% have Autism or Autism-like behaviors (our survey total is 67). Amazingly, over 85% of these kids are gifted (IQ above 130). Sadly, 20% of them have recently experienced a significant trauma such as the death or chronic illness of a parent or sibling.

But generally, these are nerdy, awkward boys on the edges of their social circles. Some of them have no friends at all. Despite their announcements, these boys still strongly lean towards the “masculine”: we’ve got lots of video gamers, chess players, computer programmers, D&D, debate club and math club kids.

Some of these boys might be gay, and a few say they’re straight, but mostly they’re just sexually inexperienced and/or late-bloomers.

Most of them have not changed their public behavior or requested female pronouns.

But mostly they are lonely, isolated, and confused boys.

So her message can be summed up as; enveloping culture is not helping matters.

She says; they need our help and our sympathy — but they don’t need your “affirmation” nor does it actually decrease suicide.

Puberty-blocking hormones don’t actually improve mental health according to the latest study by Tavistock.

So here’s my idea: let’s start listening to mothers. Let’s center their voices. Let’s overthrow the isometric idea that what mothers think and observe doesn’t matter. Let’s believe moms, and trust moms. So when a mom says “hey, my kid isn’t Trans, he’s just weird, and he’s just fine” we say yes — we believe you.

Because you are a mom.

Now put down your “trans women are women” posters. Stop shouting TERF at me. Stop it with the blind affirmation. And get your drugs and surgery and pathology and cult-like messaging away from my vulnerable kid. Stop, and really listen. There are some voices that need to be heard — and they aren’t yours.

Political animal, interested in the story behind the story. A concepts driven individual.

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Ann Carriage

Political animal, interested in the story behind the story. A concepts driven individual.